So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
