Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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