Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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