BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
