I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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