is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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