I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
