Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
