i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
