Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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