Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
