I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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