pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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