Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
