Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
