nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
