ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
