We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
