just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
