a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
