You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
