Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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