theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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