I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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