Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you will always have a special place in my vag
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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