there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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