just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
