sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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