It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
