I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
