Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
