Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
