There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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