and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
