How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
