did you get engaged???
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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