Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
