okay pat passed out under dana's car
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
