Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
