I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
