I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
