Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
