Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
