I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
