I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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