I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
