I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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