I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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