so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
