You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
how does that bad decision feel?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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