This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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