What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
