We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
