why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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