he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
