i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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